You can't motorboat a personality
She announced her abortion via fbk
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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