Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
