you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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