I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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