Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
