i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Soap is not a condiment
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
