okay pat passed out under dana's car
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
