I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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