We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
