I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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