so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
