My Higher Power is John Stamos
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
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