I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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