Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
