I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
