I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
