He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
