Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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