you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
