dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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