I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
