Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
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There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
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The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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