I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
