I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
