Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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