He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
