Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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