lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
