where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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