omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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