how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
