You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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