The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
