How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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