I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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