I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Randomize
