A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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