You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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