my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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