I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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