things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
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