His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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