I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
