he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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