you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
