Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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