I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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