i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
