Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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