Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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