that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
