"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
