What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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