Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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