You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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