That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
