Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
