Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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