you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
