Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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