After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
