if you like me you must not know who I am
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
