Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I looked at my own cervix.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
