While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
We left an ass print on the piano.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
