just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
