How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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