Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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