I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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