dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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