i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Text me some of your sweat
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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