we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
