is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
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